Life that you aren't living for

I've been silent. I have a lot to crap, i have a lot of free time to blog, but im just got lazy. My mood is up and down. Once i thought that i had my mind straight, the seconds after i am not. Once i was happy, once i was not. Do i suffer mood swing disorder? I dont know. I just read through my old post, some caught me re-laughing my ass out, some were serious nonsense, some were just serious crap that i had to let out of my chest. I stop write here these recent days because I am avoiding you to know my daily updates. But then I miss crapping here, this is my space, my medium to let out whatever it is i left buried inside me indeed. Though i may not write it clearly, at least literally. I stand up, i dont care, selfish it is you want me to be, i keep crapping. Most of the time i make fun of myself, and about some friends that i believe wouldn't take it personal about my rubbish. But yea, my several recent post is kinda nonsense, whether there are people reading it or not, i dont mind. Tapi, jika diberi pilihan nak buat post bodoh yang buat orang gelak, or post bungek, sedih macam babun mintak simpati bukan-bukan, i would rather make you laugh. Biar kamu gelak-gelak sampai keluar air mata, sebab itu air mata gembira, lagi bagus dari air mata sebab nangis sedih-sedih.

Sometimes i do think, if you treat me like a dirt, i should treat you like shit in return, making and wishing your life is a real disaster. But i did not. Even if i want to, even if my anger and dissapointment about you is hurting, i would not turn to the opposite of me. I wish, I would never. They are posts, in my draft..lots of it, but i never publish and then was deleted. Because i know those writing would hurt people. I just wish one day, if not a day, maybe just a brief second of your life , awak sedar, and understands.

December is approaching, it is always been the month that i've been waiting for and also the month that i hated the most. It is the month of joy, and yet it is sadden when you know the year is almost end and you are getting older. I always wish people would have many great amazing days ahead of them, the fact is, i also need the same. I need that joy back, i have lost it somewhere, i wish i would feel joy, in everything, in every little simple things in my daily life..really looking for it this December 2010. And hoping for a fresh headstart in the new year, in whatever path that I pick, that i meant for me, that i shall follow.

I'll be back, soon, i know you miss my crap. haha

xoxo malden


  1. melod mai sini. sy sudah across tat sea

  2. haha. i only got to cross sungai depan umah aku.


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